Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
