I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
