Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
