He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
