so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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