my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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