I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
