It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night