I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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