I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol