i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!