I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
