I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
