In America we eat man semen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
