it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
