ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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