I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
