I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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