Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
