Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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