I love black thongs
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
