My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
