I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
