Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
