yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
