My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
