I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize