It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
