then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
