He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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