that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
