The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
