My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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