i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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