Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
