I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
