I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
