i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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