Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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