he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
