Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
