yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
