I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
