this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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