sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
