mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
