I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
