his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
