everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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