is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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