I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
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I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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