His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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