This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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