When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the room spins SO much faster in panama
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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