I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
