i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize