So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
