so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
