evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
