did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We talked him into tasing himself.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
